Do you ever feel an inexplicable fear of being left, betrayed, or alone? If so, you’re not alone. I can resonate deeply with this sentiment, as I carry a profound abandonment wound close to my heart. But here’s the truth – we all have one. No one has sailed through life unscathed, free from moments that shook our sense of safety.

Our parents, despite their best efforts, often unintentionally contribute to this wound. It might have been a seemingly insignificant incident, perhaps during our pre-verbal stage when we yearned for connection with our mothers and didn’t receive it. Maybe Mom wasn’t there when we woke up from a nap – a moment that might seem trivial but carries weight in the eyes of our nervous system.

The abandonment wound doesn’t discriminate. It could be triggered by a variety of events, such as losing a job, friends bailing on plans we eagerly anticipated at 14, or partners walking away. It embeds itself in our psyche, and most of us harbor a fear of being left, betrayed, or alone.

This wound, once established, can give rise to numerous challenges. It may hinder our ability to let love in, make it difficult to trust those who genuinely care for us, and create a sense of insecurity that prevents us from taking healthy risks, like pursuing a new business or accepting a job in a different city. Self-doubt often emerges as a consequence, urging us to “play it safe.”

The impact is most apparent in romantic relationships. The fear of reliving the pain and fear associated with abandonment can manifest as anxious behavior, where individuals grasp desperately at any semblance of available love, or as avoidant behavior, pushing away those who genuinely care. Both responses are common, and you might observe them in yourself and those around you.

It’s essential to recognize that these issues stem from unmet needs in our childhood or from experiences like job loss and breakups. Unfortunately, many of us are not aware of this truth. It’s not a mainstream teaching, but it holds undeniable validity if we are brave enough to confront it.

For those with an abandonment wound, the typical response of “manning up” won’t suffice. True healing involves connecting with, loving, and nurturing that inner child we all carry. It may not sound conventionally “manly,” but it’s a crucial step toward becoming the most authentic and masculine version of oneself.

A genuine leader, a true king, acknowledges and owns their wounds. By embracing and loving their inner struggles, they pave the way for personal growth and are better equipped to lead and love others from the heart.

Individually, we have the power to provide ourselves with the love we might not have received. By making ourselves feel safe, we radiate that safety to others, contributing to the creation of a world where everyone can feel secure and loved. This journey is not just about self-discovery; it’s a profound commitment to building a world rooted in compassion and understanding.